THESIS EXHIBITION
SUPPRESSION/EXPRESSION
I am interested in exploring the problems humans have communicating with one another. I find it fascinating that so many people keep thoughts inside that could potentially help relationships if revealed. With this in mind, I used social media as a platform to ask the question, “What is one thing that you want to say to someone, but cannot for whatever reason?” Hundreds of strangers responded. Some expressed remorse toward loved ones who had passed away; some showed anger toward their sexual offenders. Many revealed their love for a close friend while others vented their frustrations about the behavior of a family member. Excerpts from these collected messages are embedded in the objects of this seemingly innocent living room, showing that even the most unexpected people still have issues that they struggle to express.
Visitors were welcome to investigate the space to find the hidden messages. They could touch and pick up anything within the room. If you would like to view all of the messages, or add your own response to the question, visit: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1z1b2q/what_is_one_thing_that_you_want_to_say_to/
"I will always hate you for destroying my faith in humanity. I took you in to my very home when no one else wanted you, I saved you from your parents and yourself. I shared what little space on earth I had and I spent every night staying up with you repairing the wounds from your family and your life and it was never hard for me because we were best friends....
"...I shielded you and helped you through every thing you went through for a year and a half and the entire time you selfishly took more than was offered. When I needed you the most, when I was ready to end my own life, you left me.... you literally left the moment I needed something from you and I will never forget that moment, you will never be forgiven."
"I miss you every day dad. I wish you could have met my now wife. We found out the other day that we are expecting twins. If I am half the father you were, those kids will be just fine."
"I don't care if you live, die, flourish, flounder, succeed, fail, get convicted or go free. You have to live the rest of your life knowing that you're you, and that you'll never rise beyond that."
"Dear Grandma, I should have visited you more. I'm sorry I was not there to hold your hand when you finally left. I hope it was not scary and that you are no longer suffering. I don't believe in heaven, but I want to believe in it for you. P.S. Say hi to grandpa and dad for me while you're up there."
"You need to get your shit together."
"To the girl in the cube next to mine. I am head over heels in love with you and can't do anything about it."
"I want to tell you im sorry things didnt work out between us. I'm honestly in love with you and that's why I can't talk to you right now. I know you hate me but I need time for myself not because I need time for myself, but because right now, I cant JUST be your friend. I look at you and die a little inside everytime because you're not mine. I cant be friends. Not right now. - heartbroken guy that thought his bestfriend could be something more."
"I want to tell you im sorry things didnt work out between us. I'm honestly in love with you and that's why I can't talk to you right now. I know you hate me but I need time for myself not because I need time for myself, but because right now, I cant JUST be your friend. I look at you and die a little inside everytime because you're not mine. I cant be friends. Not right now. - heartbroken guy that thought his bestfriend could be something more."
"I want to tell you im sorry things didnt work out between us. I'm honestly in love with you and that's why I can't talk to you right now. I know you hate me but I need time for myself not because I need time for myself, but because right now, I cant JUST be your friend. I look at you and die a little inside everytime because you're not mine. I cant be friends. Not right now. - heartbroken guy that thought his bestfriend could be something more."
Table: "Dad. I feel as though I can never say what I want to say to you, because I don't think you care. I don't think you've ever really cared about what I think or what I want. I feel like an ungrateful little shit for saying this, but I can't help it. You're a fucking brick wall, Dad. I know you think that the whole tough love thing is supposed to help me be independent and self-reliant, but all it's done is taught me to be paralyzed with fear and shame because I know that everything I..."
"...do is more likely than not going to make you disappointed in me. Can you understand how hard it is for me to constantly feel like I'll never be good enough for you, and that it's a constant spiral of shame for feeling like these feelings aren't legitimate and that I don't deserve to have them, that I shouldn't have them, that I should just suck it up and deal with it? That I don't have any room to try things, to make mistakes and to grow and learn? I have to get it right the first fucking...
time every time or I'm a fuck-up and a failure? I am so glad that my little brother is not like me. I am so proud of him for being able to stand up to you like I never could. I don't want to put all the blame on you because I know (or I have to believe) that deep down you truly believe this is the right way to raise your sons, that you have the best intentions in mind. But again, that is a reason I feel guilty for feeling this way, because I know you're only the way you are because you..."
"...think that's how you have to be. I'm scared and confused, Dad, and I don't want to talk to you or to Mom about it or ask for your help because I feel like if I do, it means I failed, it means you failed. I feel so guilty and ashamed and angry at myself for not being the son I think you want me to be." Coasters: "Sometimes I really hate you and wish you would die already. I'm sorry." "BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH"
"Maybe people would like you more if you liked yourself more."
"I didn't say what you heard I said. I don't think what you think I think. I love you. Man, do I love you."
"Can you please go on a diet? It would really make me happy."
"I'm sure you knew before I did. Most little girls wanted barbie and ken to live together, but I thought that barbie and teresa were the perfect couple. Once I got older, I realized I was different. I became ashamed of myself. So every waking moment I would ignore it. I would lie to you, I would lie to my friends, but most of all, I would lie to myself. I hope that I was wrong about you knowing, because if you did, that would mean you knew every time I lied to you. I can't imagine how much..."
"...pain it caused thinking your daughter didn't trust you. But if you did, please know that I've never been afraid of telling you, I've been afraid of telling myself."
"I'm working towards a full sex change in future, but I don't know how to tell you because I don't want to take your only daughter from you."
"Shut up you cunt." Coaster: "I just want to platonic-ally cuddle with you! Humans need affection dammit, there is nothing wrong with that!"
"I wish you would take me back." "Leave me the hell alone!" Coaster: "I just want to platonic-ally cuddle with you! Humans need affection dammit, there is nothing wrong with that!"
"I wish you would take me back." "Leave me the hell alone!" Coaster: "I just want to platonic-ally cuddle with you! Humans need affection dammit, there is nothing wrong with that!"
"I want to fuck you so bad, but I don't want a serious relationship at all because you are a horrible person."
"I want to talk to my parents about my anxiety issues, but they both thought I was being an attention seeker when I decided to become a vegetarian, and my dad told me he thought I was just seeking attention when I came out as gay, and I don't think I can talk to them about anything important anymore."
Played audio recordings of people's secrets left in the "Get-It-Off-Your-Chest Booth"
"The other night, I watched a three second video clip of you laughing about fifty times. It was the happiest I've felt in weeks. It felt like having a small part of you with me. When I put my phone away, I was reminded of how empty my life is without you."
"I was molested by my 3 brothers since before I can remember. I am almost 20 now. This past December was the first time I told somebody what had happened to me. I have told about 4 more people since then. I felt so much hatred, I feel so much hatred. But telling people is slowly allowing me to release that hatred in a positive way."
"You are the biggest piece of shit. How can you live your life knowing you put your own flesh and blood in danger? I hope someday soon you overdose."
30-Minute video looped of messages scrolling across screen fading in and out with the static
Sound waves captured from audio recordings left in the "Get-It-Off-Your-Chest Booth."
"God you're so fucking lazy. I give my life for you and you're so lazy."
"Your tits are fantastic."
"Your tits are fantastic."
Bookend: "I'm fucking pissed that instead of dying you lost your mind. I looked up to you in every way, and all I wanted was to be as cool as my popular older brother. Now, you're just a shell of your former self. You're my brother, but I don't know you. You were my best friend for 20 years, and now I don't feel comfortable speaking to you. When I look into your eyes I feel resentment, sadness, and guilt. Not only did I lose you to schizophrenia, but if I ever express any emotion besides..."
compassion for you, I'm seen as a monster. How dare I be angry at someone who had to go through such a traumatic experience? I agree, I'm selfish and out of line. That being said, I'm fucking traumatized too. I need help too, but you're already too much of a burden for our family. There's no way I can expect mom and dad to take care of you AND console me. I love you with my entire heart. That's why it breaks. I understand the pain you live with everyday, and that's why I quietly suffer...."
"...But GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, why did you do this to me? I trusted you."